Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
