super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
