Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
