A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
