I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
