I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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