Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
