Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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