Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
