Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
