I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
