My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
