just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
