Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
