I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You did what with his pubic hair?
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