last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
