i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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