ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
