you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
