You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
