Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
