can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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