Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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