whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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