I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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