Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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