hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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