Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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