If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
