I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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