I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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