I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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