I hope mine doesn't look like that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
