saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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