your thong is hanging out like whoa
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
