We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
