i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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