You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
