I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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