if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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