Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize