Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently you make a good broom.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize