we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have fence marks all over my body
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
