I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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