I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
