Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
