he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
