you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
