I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
