I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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