Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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