What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
