The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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