Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
