It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
