Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
