Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
