i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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