I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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