Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
