I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
