So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
