Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
