thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
