where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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