Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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