Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My feet surprised me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
