Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
