My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
