hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
