He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
