yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober