I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
